Almost every headstone carries some kind of symbol, and most come from traditions that stretch back centuries. Knowing what those marks have meant to other people can help you choose one that says something true about the person you are remembering. Here is a plain guide to the most common motifs.
Faith and spirit
Crosses
The cross is the most widely used memorial symbol in New Zealand and takes many forms. A plain Latin cross is simple and universal, while a Celtic cross with its ring carries Irish and Scottish heritage alongside faith. Some families choose a full cross shaped memorial rather than a carved cross on an upright stone.
Doves
A dove usually represents peace and the soul at rest. A dove in flight often suggests the spirit departing, while a dove carrying an olive branch draws on the story of Noah and signals reconciliation and hope.
Angel wings
Wings, or a full angel figure, traditionally stand for protection and safe passage. Angel wings are used often on children's memorials, where the idea of watchful care matters more than any strict doctrine.
Books and open scripture
An open book can mean an open life or a favourite text, and where it represents a Bible, families sometimes name a chapter and verse. Book shaped memorials, lying open across the plot, are a gentle option for someone who loved reading or teaching.
Nature and place
Roses and other flowers
Flowers are the language of remembrance, and each has a shade of meaning. Roses speak of love, and a rose with a broken stem has long indicated a life cut short. Lilies suggest purity, thistles nod to Scottish ancestry, and a single bud is sometimes used for a very young child.
Ferns and koru
In Aotearoa the silver fern and the koru carry meaning no imported symbol can match. The koru, the unfurling frond, speaks of new life, growth and continuity, and it sits naturally alongside whakairo and other Maori design elements. A fern can also simply mean home. Families with strong iwi or hapu connections may want to talk with kaumatua about what is appropriate for their whanau.
Anchors and waves
An anchor traditionally means hope and steadfastness, and it is also a straightforward marker of a life spent on the water. Waves, boats and lighthouses do similar work. For an island nation with a large Pacific community, water imagery often carries family history as much as symbolism.
People and love
Hearts
A heart stands for love and devotion. Two joined hearts commonly mark a couple, and a heart shaped memorial is a popular choice for a spouse or a child. It is one of the few symbols that needs no interpretation at all.
Hands
Clasped hands are usually read as farewell, or as a marriage, depending on how the cuffs are carved. Hands in prayer indicate devotion, and a larger hand holding a smaller one is sometimes used where a parent and child share a plot.
Occupational and hobby symbols
Some of the most moving memorials are the least traditional. A set of tools, a rugby ball, a guitar, a fishing rod, a farm gate, a musical stave. These say more about a particular person than any inherited emblem, and modern carving and full colour techniques handle them well.
Choosing one or two, not eight
The strongest memorials are restrained. A stone crowded with symbols reads as a list rather than a statement, and each element loses force as another is added.
A few practical guides:
- Pick a maximum of two motifs. One primary, one small secondary if needed.
- Let the lettering breathe. Names and dates are the reason the stone exists.
- Think about scale. Fine detail can be lost at a distance or worn by weather over decades.
- Consider the material. Light etching shows differently on dark granite than on marble.
- Leave space. If a second name will be added later, the symbol must not occupy that area.
Talking a shortlist through with a designer helps enormously. Sanctuary Memorials, which works with families across the country, is one of several places where you can see how different motifs are actually cut and finished, and browsing examples of headstones nz families have chosen gives a much better sense of scale than a drawing on a page.
Meaning is not fixed
These traditions are conventions, not rules. A symbol that means one thing in an old European churchyard may mean something quite different in a Chinese, Samoan, Tongan, Indian or Maori context, and families often assign their own private meaning to a shape no reference book would recognise.
If a motif matters to your family for a reason nobody else would guess, that is reason enough. Equally, do not include a symbol simply because it appears on other stones nearby.
Where to start
Write down three or four things that genuinely defined the person, then look for one image that holds the most of them. Check any cultural or religious associations with the people who would know, and ask to see the motif drawn at actual size before you approve it. Then stop. A single well chosen symbol, cut cleanly and given room, will still mean something to a grandchild standing there in fifty years.